Whoa Nelly! It worked! I wonder then, what's happening on that group blog. I published two articles at peyups.com. One was about marginalized people and the other waas about, well, literature on marginalized people. Hmmm. I wonder where all this will take me? Oh! And since I'm listing it all down, I also got a poem through! I wonder how the Beloved is feeling about all of this. I really do.

I'm having problems posting on the group blog. Just wanted to say sorry to Jio because I misnamed him. I called him Dax. Hope that wasn't insulting. I'm testing if I'll have problems here to, in my sanctum sanctorum.

Mahal? Bisita ka ba? Kumusta ka na? Hay. Kaya naman napakasaya ko e! (",)

Masaya pala ako, hindi ko lang masyadong pinapansin. Balak-balak namin ang isang group blog para sa mga galit sa mundo. Makakapag-ambag kaya ako?

These things disturb me. A host of problems lay ahead. I see seeds in every minute detail of my life. What manner and quantity of thorns do I have to grow to defend myself against them? Or what flowers, so that I may know I will survive?

***

Nakasali na ako sa susmariosep! at iniisip ko kung may mapapala ba sila sa akin? Natatakot ako na baka ako pa ang ikasira ng magandang proyektong iyon. Huwag naman sana?

Mukhang masama ang pasok ko sa susmario a! Medyo may isyu pala roon. Paano kaya? Best not to lift a finger. Hay naku, Dennis ang segurista!

Binura ko na ang mambobopis na dapat sana e pang-Geocities na sayt ko. Di bale, pagsubok lang naman talaga iyun e! hehe. Ang mabuti doon, napapansin ko na ngayon ang Unread. Muntikan na tuloy maging Unwritten. Sayang naman ang proyektong MetaBlog.

Well, the hot beans are almost spilled. I'll post the dang Gemini thing in Reading Entrails. And I published it in Peyups. What are my intentions? I hope something good comes out of this. Whether or not I see or benefit from it!

Naaasar na talaga ako sa pagtingin ko sa Pasko. Kapag masyadong magarbo, lumalabas ang pagka-cynical ko. Kapag wala namang gaanong ilaw, hindi pa rin ako masaya.

12:08 AM 12/14/01
Something's really very unorganized with the way I approach this blogging thing. I hope I'll get more things done with the amount of time I spend here. I'm really becoming less patient about this.

12:08 AM 12/14/01
Something's really very unorganized with the way I approach this blogging thing. I hope I'll get more things done with the amount of time I spend here. I'm really becoming less patient about this.

I just submitted another article to peyups. I hope I get a site that pays. Yeah right. So much for intellectual integrity?

I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!

I am a sitting duck here. I am held hostage by my stupid computer's slow downloading. I want to sleep this through but I don't want to waste the connection time. And I'm shedding these hours like hair on hot, sunny months!

I have so many things to do and what happened? I wake up with the foolish idea of creating a website! As if blogging wasn't enough of a time-consumer. I want to blame Jol for this. But it was my choice. Existentialism made sure that it was.

Well, now I'm blaming Existentialism! That's original huh?

I want to write Monica now. Really. Just back to the old times. But I have to do my piles of paperwork. Now why didn't I wake up with that idea in mind?

Speechless.

My Brighter Half is here with me... I suppose that makes for a darker shadow. Therefore, more defined.

It is all out. My. I feel like I gutted myself reading my own article! I can't imagine the amount of self-hate I am capable of. And how much I can fail to love my fellow man.

I am facing the toughest career challenge I've ever met. Board meetings, new projects, Christmas arrangements, and all that. Makes me wonder why I'm spending all this time online. Maybe I really am a hedonist. Or escapist. Or a lazy sonovavich. Or maybe I just miss cramming.

In any case, I just hope I squeeze out of all this alive. And maybe with a raise.

*****
There is no sense in letting sleeping dogs lie. They will wake up anyway. And when they do, they will tear your nose off with their canines up your nostrils. And their paws will bear down on your eye sockets, taking you down and obliterating your soft eyes at the same time.

So don't let sleeping dogs lie. If you won't take the opportunity and put as many miles between you and the rabid one, kill it now. Then you can let the dying dog lie.

If I were a work of art, I would be Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa. I am extremely popular and widely known. Although unassuming and unpretentious, my enigmatic smile has charmed millions. I am a mystery, able to be appreciated from afar, but ultimately unknowable and thus intriguing. Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

Unfortunately, they are all glad that I stay that way. As if deciphering my codes and glyphs would somehow disturb the comfortable status quo. It probably will.

I received my first "stranger" guest in the cover blog. I mean, not an invited friend (who could have been either truly interested or genuinely polite) or a coerced sibling. It was a true guest! My vanity is getting the better of me, of course. I just wonder if I can keep all this interesting enough.

Interesting too how I could only rave about what was "read" in the annals of the "unread". Fascinating how the mind works within the mores. Of course, I can only blame society to a certain extent.

4:39 PM 12/6/01

This dark journal, is of course, connected to reading entrails. Anything that moves in the light must have its shadow. Yin must have Yang. Heaven, its Earth (else, to what would it be "heaven" to?) Life, its Death. Or else, even Eternal Life would be worthless. Positive, its Negative. Or the Positive won't have power. Not only study in EMF will tell you that!

Well, this is it. The repository of my dark self. and just like in life under our prevalent cultural mores, I can only put the better foot forward. So, this must stay behind. Like a secret that nobody knows about because nobody really cared. In here, I reside. In here, I seethe.

I am 23% EMO.

Anti-Emo Okay... so I'm not emo at all.. I am probably not even goth, because goths are just messed up emo kids... I am probably a metal head... or into boy bands...

I'm no EMO huh? Yeeea-haw!

If I were an Autobot, I'd be:


Prowl? I don't even remember him. He must be THAT geeky huh? Well, that's a comfy thought...

I didn't know it would be this fun posting in something unread. To be fair, nobody reads entrails either (my other blog). But since I told everybody I knew of its existence, I guess I might as well at least believe that people go there.

This shadow is fun. Especially since I don't really lie in the net. That's frustrating, really, because almost everybody else is. Sometimes they even expect you to lie too. It's a culture, I guess.

Here of course, I can lie too.

De-kahong Pag-ahon

Tangan mo, patungo sa ibayong dagat,
adhikang marangal sa iyong balikat.
Sulo ni Prometyus, ikaw na'ng bumuhat,
panahod sa apoy ang butong binanat.

Sapagkat di sapat ang likas na init,
agwat sa asawa ang baong pasakit.
Na'ng asal ni bunso ay wastong maukit,
sa banyagang punyal, ikaw ay kumapit.

Ngunit kadalasan, may sabit ang sugal.
Mailap ang liyab ng gintong pedestal -
piliting kupitin, aabuti'y buntal;
piliting bilihin, pambayad mo'y dangal.

At kapag siningil ay hinto ng pintig,
babalik sa bayan ay kahong malamig.

Enter the shadow world. The compost bin. Those entrails had to go somewhere when I'm done with them. Here I am then. Made manifest as savior and avatar of thoughts and dreams. As we all are, in some measure.

Let us begin this properly. I am speaking to myself. When I say "us," I am involving all my fragmented selves. I will put a link to this page. I don't know why. Maybe for vanity's sake.